The Gay Trainer: Up Close and Personal.

When I was a trainer at what was then Brannon Street Gold's Gym in San Francisco (now Fitness SF) it was pretty much accepted that if you walked in the door, you were gay. Yes, there were exceptions: Applying the "10% rule" at that gym, ten percent of the members were probably straight. It didn't matter because it was already a melting pot for gay culture and being a straight man created a sometimes pleasant, eye-raising distraction. This was/is the gym where the transgendered tried on their new identities, bears romped, pornstars pumped, and the steamroom had its own listing in the Damron Guide.

If you're a in your 30's or younger, being gay is becoming less of an issue since being gay is more "out" than ever. But being out was not always a choice: The choices were fear and shame, often prosecution, and sometimes death. As older gay men, we grew-up with a kind of strategic hyper-sensitivity (intuition or gaydar) that kept us very aware of our environments. This non-stop, often playful vigilance allowed us to move about more freely and "turn it on or turn it off" when needed. In other words, you knew when it was time to butch-it-up or when it was safe to kick up your heels (I'm gonna catch hell from the "str8 acting" contingent for that remark).

This extra sensitivity cuts in all directions and is especially handy when it comes to dealing with training clients. Call it a burden or blessing - I prefer the latter - this intuition is invaluable when dealing with body image issues. Like it or not we live in a fast-paced, hyper-visual society that's more and more about vanity rather than values. I'd like to think that as gay men, having traveled the road to acceptance we'd be a little more compassionate but we're no better, often worse, than our straight counterparts.

Clients come to me with real health-related issues (high blood pressure, obesity, diabetes) and also very real societal-related issues (rejection, loneliness, I want a boyfriend). The health problems can be addressed with exercise, a healthier diet and lots of motivation. But that dialog running in a client's head, that dialog of "not enough", requires a lot of handholding, listening, and sharing of experiences. Therapy is beyond the scope of my practice but I have witnessed the positive changes that healthy eating and exercise can have, and not just physical changes but a healthier outlook on life as well. Been there. Done that. It does get better.

Gay or Str8?

As a gay trainer, the worst, most bewildering part of the job is dealing with homophobia that comes from unexpected places: Other gay men. Yes, I'm still dumbfounded by the odd, queer remark that comes from a car filled with guys shouting "faggot", but gay-grown homophobia is a slur no less. A slur because as gay men (and women) we're all in the same boat and fighting the same battle. However you fancy yourself, "str8-acting" or "on the DL", don't be an asshole! Pretending that you're not gay (but ya are Blanche) doesn't make you less gay, just more self-loathing.

Acceptance starts with YOU contrary to the belief that it comes from others. Whether you're overweight, gay (out or closeted), feel you're not attractive, not a dapper dresser - any dialog in your head that makes you feel "less than" - the change has to begin in your head and heart. As a gay man, as a gay trainer I've been down that road of acceptance and not only with my sexuality but my feelings of less than (fat, unattractive, clothing from Sears). This isn't to say that straight folks haven't made the same journey. But being accepted in a society that, in some places, still finds me unacceptable because of my sexual preference made the road a lot steeper with a lot of self-discovery along the way.